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 I need some help from my friends

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scott
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PostSubject: I need some help from my friends   Fri May 21, 2010 1:44 pm

Hi People I want to ask your advice on a personal nature if you don't mind?

My girlfriend and I have been together now for 6 years and right at the start she cheated on me, which I found very hard to get over anyway we have been fine for the last 5 years or so but she recently started a new job and after a few weeks of being there she sent me a text saying "
is it OK if I go for a drink after work?"
to which I replied who with! she the then replied with the name of a male, I then said NO!!!! anyway she didn't go and I found this really hard to deal with and it makes me wonder if she is up to anything? she said at the time that I was being very unreasonable not letting her go for a drink with someone who really is no more than a stranger who I have never met, had he have been an old friend that we both Knew I wouldn't have had a problem with it, so my question is basically do you think I was being unreasonable if so why? or based on the history was I right to say no! if so why?

Thanks
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paulhackling
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Fri May 21, 2010 3:36 pm

Only yourself can answer that ,once trust is broken is very hard to trust again the golden rule is treat people how you would like to be treated , the platuim rule is to treat people how they like to be treated ,would your girlfriend like it if you went for a drink with a women etc . But its only you that knows how much you can trust her ,and at the end of the day its only your heart she ll break . so as far as advice goes on the love sakes , do whatever makes you happy . Hope all works out for you H
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starlite
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Fri May 21, 2010 5:45 pm

This is a personal issue between the two of you, no one can really advise you ,as personal decisions of this nature come from the heart.
my daughters husband had an affair 2 years ago, she forgave him as children were involved and all seemed well. 8 weeks ago he stood up and announced he was leaving and left.
even as a mum, i cannot advise in this situation ( but i want to ) she is hearbroke and struggling, all i can do is offer support and be there for her, encourage her when she makes positive decisions and abstain from judgement when i feel its wrong. but it hurts.
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bigsal
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Fri May 21, 2010 5:57 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
Hi People I want to ask your advice on a personal nature if you don't mind?

My girlfriend and I have been together now for 6 years and right at the start she cheated on me, which I found very hard to get over anyway we have been fine for the last 5 years or so but she recently started a new job and after a few weeks of being there she sent me a text saying "
is it OK if I go for a drink after work?"
to which I replied who with! she the then replied with the name of a male, I then said NO!!!! anyway she didn't go and I found this really hard to deal with and it makes me wonder if she is up to anything? she said at the time that I was being very unreasonable not letting her go for a drink with someone who really is no more than a stranger who I have never met, had he have been an old friend that we both Knew I wouldn't have had a problem with it, so my question is basically do you think I was being unreasonable if so why? or based on the history was I right to say no! if so why?

Thanks

Hi Scott what strikes me from your posting is that your girlfriend needed your"
permission"
to go for a drink after work, now I understand that there are trust issues based on your past but the day I had to ask anyone's permission to go for a drink would be the day the relationship was over ...I am really sorry to be so blunt but you did ask. If she did decide to cheat again your approval will have no bearing on what she does IMHO
Hope you get it all sorted out.

Bigsal
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mickhev
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Fri May 21, 2010 7:14 pm

What you should have said was,darling thats a great idea,i will meet you and we can all have a drink together,and we can go for a meal after,that way you would have met her work mates
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miss happy
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Fri May 21, 2010 8:38 pm

Well said Mike,Your girlfriend could have lied and told you a girls name, Mikes idea sounds the best if you get a second chance, all the best hope you can sort it.
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oddball
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Sat May 22, 2010 9:31 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
What you should have said was,darling thats a great idea,i will meet you and we can all have a drink together,and we can go for a meal after,that way you would have met her work mates

Hi Scott real sorry for your trouble right now and really hope you both work this out. I have to agree with Mike. But the more pressure you put on a partner or put restrictions on what he or she can do the less likely the relationship will work. Not to mention the embarrassment it can cause. I have a friend at work and her husband walks her to and from work every day and she is not allow to go to any of the functions unless he is with her - Then when her male colleague come to say hello to her, she is petrified as she knows she will get the third degree later. So as she says its best not to bother, just stay at home. What quality of life is that

Sincerely hope all goes well for you both.

oddy s

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scott
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Mon May 24, 2010 10:43 am

Thank you all for your replies but just to clarify, she doesn't have to ask my permission for anything, its just that on that night I was cooking dinner for the 2 of us, and although in my heart I believe she is innocent in all this I just wanted to know if anyone thought I was being unreasonable?

Thank you again
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bigsal
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Tue May 25, 2010 4:20 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] wrote:
Thank you all for your replies but just to clarify, she doesn't have to ask my permission for anything, its just that on that night I was cooking dinner for the 2 of us, and although in my heart I believe she is innocent in all this I just wanted to know if anyone thought I was being unreasonable?

Thank you again

Apologies for misreading the situation, best of luck

Bigsal
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raveydaveygravey
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Tue May 25, 2010 5:11 pm

Tough call mate, obviously you'll only get the opinions of others but will they see it your way?

Trust is easy to earn, easy to lose, but much harder to earn again. Think you'll have to find your own way on this one bud
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paulhackling
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PostSubject: Re: I need some help from my friends   Tue May 25, 2010 7:14 pm

Totally agree with you raveydaveygraey ,people can only advise parhaps from there own experiences , but only you can do want you think best . form all your agony aunts and agony uncles wishing you all the best . really hope things work out
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